i spent the whole summer waiting to get back to school. i missed my friends, i missed having things to do and, probably most of all, i missed my city.

but here i am. im back. ive been back for almost 48 hours. and yet, im stuck. stuck in this weird in between, stuck going back and forth between "i dont want to be here" and "i dont want to leave". im glad to be back, where i can get the diet coke im desperately craving without leaving the block, or watch a movie with my best friends without leaving my bed. im either a walk or a train ride away from anything i could possibly need, except i feel like im missing something.

its almost 1 am, and im awake, alone, for the second night in a row. and for the second night in a row, im feeling...empty. im on the floor of the common room we out a little too much time and money into decorating, and im feeling the same as i did when i first got home this summer, in the middle of my room, still completely packed in trash bags surrounding my bed. these two feelings should not be the same. i shouldnt feel the same longing that i felt at the beginning of the summer. but i do. and i dont understand it.

so here i am. attempting to write in lowercase fragments that probably make little to no sense to anyone else. because thats how i am able to put things into words. to identify what im feeling. its too hard for me to sum this up in a text, or say the words out loud. i cant tell my school friends without feeling like im hurting them or my only friend back home without rubbing it in her face that shes still stuck in our suffocating small town or my mom without her worrying. so here i am. talking to myself but also potentially the entire world. its weird how that works. how sometimes posting something where anyone can see it seems more comforting that telling the people who know you. or maybe thats just me.

regardless, im back at school. im back on 1005 main street. its time for college life in the city part two...lets struggle through this shit together, shall we?

-m

3:19 am.

im a person who believes in the power of music.

wow that was cliche. but this whole post will probably turn into a bit of a cliche so i suppose its appropriate to set the tone. a little cheese is good. cliches are cliche for a reason. (hint: its because they tend to be true.)

8 months or so ago, two small town new england girls were getting ready to take on life in the big city. it was a new life, a new beginning. and they were scared to death.

to start a new life, you need to leave the old one behind. and with it, goes all the safety and familiarity of the small town world. to recreate yourself, you need to throw it all out the window and find all the new. a new home, new comfort zones, new life, new you.

now lucky for those two girls, they found their new safe place about a week before they left their old lives behind. they found their new escape. 1005 main street.

for us, 1005 main street is a place. it has a ceiling and a floor. for us, 1005 main street is a physical escape.

this is what 1005 main street embodies. an escape. a place to be ourselves.