questions

i should not be crying over him. not now. not ever agin. not after this much time of being okay.

but here i am, at 1 am, sitting in a dark, empty dorm room because, well, thats how break ups work when you get attached as easily as i do. because i need closure. because i dont let go easily. because im not one whose able to give up.

its been too long for this to be rational. i cant stand the thought of how ridiculous im being. ive had too much time to get over it and i havent been able to do it.

is it possible for someone, for me, to move on without any closure? will i ever be able to hate him for how he handled things? i dont know. i dont know where to go from here, i dont know how to move on. maybe i need a new distraction, maybe i need some time for myself.... but i dont think im ready for either of those things. where does that leave me? stuck in this cycle of having late night crying session by myself?

this wouldve been easier if he had given me an actual reason. or if he had ever displayed even the slightest sign of being an asshole. or maybe if he had given me a chance to talk before he stopped answering me at 3 am. or if he had actually said the words "im breaking up with you". but he didnt. and even after all this time, he hasnt.

would closure make this better? im not entirely sure. id like to think it would however i do know i have a way of holding on. i get attached. when i like someone, i like them.

who knew that getting attached would lead to so many questions?

-m